I wonder if we understood the impetus for patriarchy beginning, then perhaps we could understand more easily how to dismantle it. This morning, as I awoke, it occurred to me that like so many other things in this patriarchal culture, the truth is hidden in a backwards way. I grew up hearing about penis envy. Well, I have never had penis envy nor have any of the women I know. But I bet men have clitoris envy. The clitoris is an amazing piece of anatomy whose only function is pleasure (and can have multiple orgasms!).
Did men decide to “conquer” women rather than live in harmony because they realized they played a part in reproduction and they didn’t think they were getting enough credit? After all, women were revered (and in most cultures god was a woman) because they were able to produce humans and then feed them from their bodies. What a miracle that was, and continues to be, even today when we know the science behind it.
It’s tragic, isn’t it, that men feel the need to disempower women to feel in control. Perhaps men are afraid of women having power because they think women will treat them the way they’ve treated women. Men and boys are our children. That would not happen.
Another backwards idea that is not true, and only recently discovered, is that sperm don’t penetrate the egg. The egg chooses which sperm is allowed in. In most species, the male needs to attract the female with his plumage or other characteristic. It’s the female who chooses which mate for reproduction. With humans in this patriarchal culture, where women are not taught or often even allowed to say no, it appears that men do the choosing. In fact, women have much more power to choose, if only they knew that.
Maybe men got tired of hearing that God was a woman, in much the same way I get tired of hearing that God is a man. I do have to concede that men have a part in reproduction, though minimal. You would hope that it’s a pleasurable experience for both partners, but sadly, studies and statistics reveal that many women never experience orgasm. What’s even more tragic is that every day in this country, and all over the planet, women are killed by their intimate partner, often when pregnant.
What else is backwards? Thinking that the lone, independent person can exist without others is a fallacy. We are all inextricably, literally connected on this earth, to everything and everyone else on the planet. What we do affects the whole – not just the butterfly flapping its wings in China causing winds to blow in North America.
If we REALLY knew how connected we are, I’d hope we would stop destroying the planet, and hurting each other, and would do everything we can to serve each other and make sure all have everything we need: food, shelter, warmth, acceptance, community, love. I know lots of people are doing this, including many people I know personally.
I have always sought good news, which is sad really that I have to hunt for it – because good things are happening everywhere, all the time, just not in “mass media” – which seems to be meant to disavow us of any hope. I bet, if they tried to focus on the good people are doing, it would be more popular than the crime and horror show they currently push on us.
People are inventing ways to clean the ocean, to create “plastic” that decomposes in six months, and all kinds of alternatives to destroying the earth, but instead to heal it. Seek out YES! Magazine, and the Good News Network for just two. What we focus on matters. I just learned yesterday that when I make contact and smile at a stranger, and they smile back, that I get a hit of oxytocin – well, we both do. Cool, huh? Get out there and be the change you wish to see. Ha.
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